Mouthful of Merch

So I've been teasing the big announcement all week.  Oh, I haven't?  I did once, though, right?  Yeah.  So I teased this big announcement once this week.  Since I'm like an apathetic teenager and I get distracted easily, I meant to do it more, but simply didn't, instead opting to play Bulletstorm and watch 3rd Rock from the Sun reruns.

I sure do miss 90's sitcoms.  Everyone was so clever!

But here's the big announcement, made in an anticlimactic manner befitting my lackadaisical style of writing and half-assed approach to life.  Luckily for me, however, my wife refuses to do anything half-assed, and the result is here.

MOUTHFUL OF MERCH.

That's right.  In my infinite wisdom, I've decided to start making shirts and distributing them to the masses for some reason.  Have you got a wedding or a bris to attend, but no t-shirt classy enough for a child to stare up at while he gets a hunk of his little dick sliced off?  Now you do, thanks to the classic Mouthful of Acid logo t-shirt!

Or perhaps you're at an awesome show, and you've obtained to coveted title of "Wiggity Wasted."  That's all well and good, but how do you properly show everybody that can see you that you like to live the Chug Life?  What the hell are you going to do?

Well, fret no more, because I've finally put together a t-shirt that is both refined and clean, while still being effective in telling people that you're a borderline alcoholic.  It's like one of those shirts that you can get at tacky giftshops around the world, but instead of boasting about the size and/or shape of your genitals, it trumpets forward for all the world to hear, "You'd better watch out, there's a good chance that I'm drunk."

Just like a stomach tattoo!

Perhaps you'd like to say the same thing, but also decry me as the smelly idiot that I am?

 

Now, some of us found out the hard way that Todd Jones isn't involved in any way with law enforcement and has great disdain for people who would say that he does (story here and my subsequent retraction here).  These articles launched what I've seen referred to as the Twittergate battle between Jones and J. Randall from Agoraphobic Nosebleed.

Finally I said something that qualifies as important...on the internet...to a bunch of nerds...

*Ahem*

Show the world that you have disdain for the police department and simultaneously decry the assertion of Todd Jones' involvement in public service with this attractive shirt, available for a limited time only!

All shirts are printed on 100% American shirt and come in black and slightly grimmer shade of black.  Sizes range from Men's Large to XXXL and, due to a clerical error in the ordering process, baby sizes ranging from Fat Baby Onesie to Really Fat Baby T-shirt.  All shirts are beard hair resistant and wick away spilled beer very quickly due to revolutionary all-natural beer swilling fibers (which also naturally block the odors of marijuana and B.O.).  

Proceeds from the sale of these shirts won't go toward terrorism or bad stuff, but probably won't be used to help anybody either.

Get yours today!