As to my previous post from yesterday regarding the band Nails, I have regretfully made an egregious error in my writeup. For this I must apologize to my family, my friends, God, and Barack Obama; being wrong about a tiny and inconsequential detail of a person whom I've never met's life is truly horrifying, and as a conduit for the truth, I do hereby vow to never make such a mistake again. I must, in this hour of shame, reluctantly point out that I am not a journalist and have never presented myself this way; I merely present my opinion in a spicy and interesting way for the edutainment of others (in other words, I'd be a journalist by Fox News standards).
But this is unforgivable.
It was pointed out to me that, in my article, The Artist Formerly Known as the WZA'd asserted that Todd Jones from Nails is an officer of the law. It was later pointed out to me that this is not the case. I am no rumor mill, and though I have no journalistic integrity, my position as the Official Conduit for Truth and Boner Jokes forces me to retract the statement in question.
Todd Jones ain't no copper, son. He is in no way affiliated with law enforcement. I repeat: Todd Jones isn't an undercover police officer sent to infiltrate the grind scene to find out about nefarious grind-related crimes. He doesn't drive an unmarked police car.
In my quest to present you, the reader, with the truth, I have found that Todd Jones is, in fact, since it was for some reason such a big deal, a beekeeper. That's right; he lives on a bee ranch in Modesto, California with his four chihuahuas. He raises bees to harvest their delicious honey and sometimes gets a honeypot stuck on his head.
I apologize for the confusion.
I'll be back to posting tomorrow when I finally get the taste of internet nerd drama out of my mouth.