100th Post: It's Hard to Be A Hessian

This is my official 100th post here at Mouthful of Acid HQ, and I'm excited that I've actually been able to make this stupid, pointless thing that I do last for this long.  I was nearly certain that, like most blogs, I would start mine with all the idealism and zealousness that comes with non-profit, unsolicited Interhole "writing," but would soon devolve into me posting pictures of cute cats or meals that I ate every six months or so.  As it turns out, there's plenty of cool music to listen to in the world, and since the Interbung makes listening to it all literally free, I get to keep my iPod fully stocked with new music for the bike ride to work while I try to think of ways to compare what I'm hearing to either a) a wiener, or b) doo doo.  It usually works to take my mind off the horrible hill country and the drivers who see you as some sort of moving obstacle that it's okay to whack with the side mirror of their Ford Fusion as they drive to Starbucks.

That's why I bought a bike helmet; it makes me look ridiculous, but my head will remain intact if somebody is nice enough to just clip me going 60 miles per hour.

The other thing I spend a lot of my time thinking about on the way to work every morning while ignoring my fragile mortality is the state of music that is "popular," or more specifically, "popular to people who describe themselves as being into heavy metal."  I think that we're a very interesting lot, us metal dudes, and it lightens my heart that we encompass all the colors of the rainbow and [something about brotherhood, blah blah blah].  But it seems like less and less that I can get behind trends and new waves of things as they sweep through the landscape of our music.  I maintain that it's because I'm getting older and my inner crusty is starting to really emerge, disdainfully watching people who are younger than me enjoy music that I don't see any real value in.  Also, the people are wearing dumb or ironic t-shirts.  My crusty inner cigarette hanging from my lips, I order up another Lone Star from the bar and stand in the back where I won't get pulled into a mosh pit.

Because I wear glasses, and, since my mom no longer pays for them, I've come to realize how ridiculously expensive it is to be able to see.

Usually on my site, I stick to writing reviews and stuff for things that I like.  I like to pepper in some poorly thought out philosophical questions in the mix just to keep stuff fresh, but mostly I stick to stuff that I like, because if I don't like something, I'm not going to give it enough time for me to think of something really critical and helpful to say about it.  I hear it and go "Lame," and then I stop thinking about it.  But today I want to briefly touch on a couple of things that my inner hesher has been complaining about.

First, Djent is the new Deathcore.  People complain about Deathcore as being generic and lacking any actual style or individuality.  Indeed, it has been the whipping boy genre for people to scoff about on message boards and blog threads and things for quite a while now.  But I see a new trend rising, and you need to prepare yourself.  Because the garbage that bands like Periphery and Tesseract churn out, with their two note riffs and their clean-singing choruses doused with reverb are becoming the new musical pandemic.  Get ready to forget about Suicide Silence forever, because the new wave of Djent bands are all Suicide Silences in nerds' clothing.  These poorly conceived copycat bands to start ripping off all the lamest conventions of radio rock, mashing it together clumsily with Meshuggah's signature syncopated style, and calling it awesome.  It's not awesome.  Periphery isn't awesome.  Tesseract isn't awesome.  Djent just kind of sucks, bro.  And a few years from now after every 13 year old has been in a Djent band (and that's going to happen, too), everybody's going to be like "Muuuuhhhh, I liked Djent a long time ago lol but now it's played out learn some originality," and good old Monsoon Cobra will be sitting back listening to Meshuggah.  Because only they can do it right.

Second, bands going black metal need to stop that.  We all like things that are grim and frostbitten, and one of life's greatest pleasures is to prove yourself more kvlt than somebody else.  It's true, so don't try to deny it.  But taking that kvlter than thou attitude and transferring it into making your existing band a black metal band is annoying.  Were you in a deathrash band before?  And you guys have just changed into a black metal band?  So...I guess you got tired of doing something difficult poorly and decided to do something easy poorly then, right?  I wish I had more specific examples for bands that did this; perhaps I'm just ranting about this because of a couple of bands that will remain nameless.  I liked them, and then they inexplicably went black metal and bummed me out.

Third, I'm tired of production-based discrimination and the buzzword "overcompressed."  Cosmo Lee, of one of my favorite nerd blogs Invisible Oranges, is the most major perpetrator of this, but it's something that's spread to pandemic levels all around the metal world.  Now, I'm not saying that you should dislike something because of raw or fuzzy production; the heart wants what the heart wants, and I'll be the first to be stoked on a poorly produced crust grind demo tape that some drunk dude at a show gave me.  I love crust grind!  And there can be a certain intensity to it.  But writing off modern-sounding production just because it sounds too good seems backwards to me.  "I don't like their new album; it sounds like they can play their instruments, and you can really hear all the riffing.  And the mix is so solid!  What a shitty recording."  I find that people who gravitate toward the down and dirty style of recording have little need to actually hear the music or the riffs, and instead bask in the sound of a melange of fuzzy noise with cymbals crashing and screeching vokillz.  I've enjoyed raw and/or primitive sounding recordings; I don't know why people only want to hear that kind of shit all the time though.

I mean, if you're going to be reactionary against Killswitch Engage, maybe just listen to a band that writes good music.  You don't have to throw away well-produced music with the proverbial bathwater.

I could go on forever about things that bother me, but since I've been sitting on this crap for a couple of days now, I think it's time to stop the 100th post rant and just point out that, since my opinion doubles as fact, I'm right, and if you like Djent, going black metal, or complaining about good production, you are wrong.  Sorry.

Also, if you're under the age of 21, you shouldn't be at any show.  I hate those kids.

No, I'm just kidding.  But seriously, nobody under 21.