Anaal Nathrakh--Passion

I love album preorders.  I'm one of the cavemen that still buys physical media from bands, particularly CD's, because I can play them in my car and rip them onto my iPod, and it gives me the satisfaction of not having stolen a piece of music that I really wanted and will enjoy forever, until I'm some old creeper in a sleeveless Kill the Client T-shirt and my grandchildren think that my taste in music is antiquated and gay.  "But why do you like album preorders?" you are probably asking.  "Can't you leave your stupid apartment from time to time and go to a record shop and buy something like a human might do?"  The answer is, of course, no.  The internet is a vastly superior means for obtaining everything meaningful except wardrobe, which I do exclusively at shows.  But are you looking for venison jerky, organic milk, a cell phone, and a bulk pack of off-brand irregular underwear?  Internets to the rescue!

But the slightly shorter answer to your question is that I love album preorders because labels have apparently gotten kind of haphazard with how they distribute the music.  You see, my numerous drunken emails to people who might work at various record labels were all apparently ignored.  I haven't been issued my press credentials and am forced back into the bushes to breathe heavily and write unsettling emails to my favorite bands demanding things.

But online preorders have become more slipshod in their distribution of albums.  I preorder albums without even throwing my weight around as a boner joke enthusiast and amateur writer with a dumb website, and they show up in my mailbox weeks earlier than the release date.  It's awesome.  This happened in March with my Trap Them preorder (read about Darker Handcraft here), which arrived a full fifteen days prior to the release date, allowing me plenty of time to slap my wang around while listening to it and feeling all superior to everybody else (except, of course, those who found the leak online and just stole the fucking album before I even got it).  Since I thrive on my unwarranted feelings of superiority and self-righteousness, this is a big deal.  And it just happened with Passion, Anaal Nathrakh's latest album and my new favorite thing in the world.

Like so many albums before it, I have spent much of my commute to work listening to the album, just walking around and getting a feel for it.  I listened to it while I walked to the train this past Thursday, while the rain fell in a torrential downpour that soaked me all the way to the bone despite the totally lame umbrella I had unearthed from my coat closet.  It did nothing to protect me!  But I guess that's what I get for using a Hello Kitty umbrella instead of something designed for an adult male with twenty pounds too many clinging to his stretch mark covered frame.

Also, an umbrella that would have accommodated my hangover would have been helpful.

For most people, listening to an Anaal Nathrakh album is like trying to find a suitable mate at a Star Trek convention; it doesn't sound like something they'd like to do, and as soon as it begins, they immediately regret their participation.  It's a veritable futile endeavor.  Not me, though; I'm like the loose girl at the Star Trek convention.  She looks at the ocean of horny and available men as a veritable boner buffet.  It's almost...too easy.  An Anaal Nathrakh album is my Star Trek convention.  Most people would never consider music like this listenable, but to me it's an effortless boner feast.  Without even trying, I can plug my various fleshy holes so that my daddy will finally love me.

Passion is a step forward for Anaal Nathrakh, and sees the band take new risks while retaining the monumental sound and person-being-burned-at-the-stake intensity of their previous releases.  That the band takes the sound of Constellation and pushes it to the limits is impressive, particularly considering how ridiculously extreme they were to begin with.  But songs like "Tod Huetet Uebel" reveal new range to the vokills, with V.I.T.R.I.O.L. revealing that he's capable of doing vocals that don't sound like Japanese torture movies set to music.  The grandiose clean singing is also heavily prevalent, allowing the songs a dynamic range that runs the gamut from "ridiculously loud, aggressive, and fast" to "ridiculously loud, aggressive, and fast but with clean singing."  Standout tracks like "Ashes Screaming Silence" and "Drug Fucking Abomination" showcase the signature towering tone and colossal bite that so endeared me to Constellation.

Anaal Nathrakh have opened the doors to the killbot factory once again and deliver an amazing follow-up to my favorite album of  2009, In the Constellation of the Black Widow.  I've been rocking the album multiple times a day for the last week or so, and I can tell you that it's every bit the boner feast that I've described.  It's probably pretty easy to steal, but you should be a cool dude like me and buy it.  But either way, you should just be listening to the album.  If you're looking for an album that is going to automatically make your coworkers jump to the conclusion that you eat human skin fun, or that will make a Fedex driver insist that he pray for you right there and then, Passion is probably the best place to start.  Anecdotal evidence shows that those things will automatically happen when you listen to this necro slice of awesomeness.

Check out this interview on Invisible Oranges and listen to the music at the bottom.  You'll either be really sorry or...well, you'll probably just be sorry.  Or do the natural thing and steal it.  That's what Google is for.