Hello friends. I thought that I'd take the opportunity this late Friday (it's actually Saturday now that I look at the clock) evening (morning) to check in and clue you in to some news that makes me gay. This news is as follows:
New Struck By Lightning music is available!
Backstory:
I spent tonight programming drums for a friend of mine's latest black metal endeavor (I don't know what his interest is in black metal, but it runs silent and runs deep, because he's always trying to get something off the ground). Which is to say, I drank a bunch of beer and got all nostalgic. Not good nostalgic, either. Weepy nostalgic.
Let me back up further.
When I was five I met some kid on our first day in kindergarten. He was just as weird as me, except his parents let him have a gnarly rattail haircut (this was the late 80's, and he had business up front to counteract the party that was going on in the back). This kid followed me fearlessly back to my house that day without telling his parents where he was going, causing a large panic in the neighborhood. Eventually, things got ironed out. But from then on, we set things on fire and got dumb haircuts in tandem. My mother and his father ended up marrying each other about 13 years subsequent. Shortly thereafter, he literally dropped dead of congestive heart failure.
It was the worst.
This past Wednesday was the five year anniversary of the day he was unceremoniously felled without warning. Needless to say, I did the logical thing and transformed myself from "Average Man" into "The World's Drunkest and Most Morose Human" that evening, breaking many of my personal records for drunkenness, including "most consecutive humiliations" and "longest moan." What an evening!
"So what is this pointless tale getting to?" is the logical question for you to be asking. Well, I'll tell you. I've spent all night listening to old punk music (we were punk rockers for a long stretch of our lives), and I've been filling myself with old misanthropic punk music and anger towards the government and D-beat rather than dumping my sadness energy into pursuits like Family Togetherness and Religion and Love, which have proven to be dead ends for even the most lightweight depressive spell. I've been revisiting old Minor Threat and Guttermouth and Dead Kennedys and (my personal favorite) Bad Religion for the last couple hours. This does very little but give me a thirst for the crushingest and most D-boner-inducing crust I can find.
To Internets!
As it turns out, Struck by Lightning are finally doing what I always wanted them to do, which is release new music for me to think about when I masturbate. The new album is going to be called True Predation, and it comes out THIS FUCKING MONTH. Since I have such an enthusiastic and [gay] deep appreciation for the spectacular crust that Struck by Lightning bring to the table, I thought I should go ahead and alert you to the fact that you'll be able to enjoy a new album soon and some new tracks right now. That's right! Go over to Brooklyn Vegan RIGHT FUCKING NOW and listen to two new Struck by Lightning joints, both of which rule with the power of a thousand boner storms. And a boner storm is a powerful sort of storm.
Seriously, though, go listen. I've listened to "Funereal" about fifty times tonight, and not only will I not stop crying, but I can't keep my hands off the throbbing, veiney D-boner it has given me. It almost hurts.
Thanks Metalsucks for cluing me in. I've been so busy with my other pursuits lately that I might have missed my latest creepy obsession if it weren't for you! Which is good, because I just got a "Cease and Desist" order from the lawyers that represent the cast of Breaking Bad, and I'm not allowed in Albuquerque anymore. At least there's no dead period between obsessions!
This time.
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