*clip of me giving a thoughtful interview to Osama bin Laden*
Hello, everybody, and welcome again to The Speculation Center, where I, Monsoon Cobra, give you my best guess about what is going to happen. Today's Speculation Center comes courtesy of an email that one Patrick Lukens of Cut Your Teeth sent me just hours ago, right before I started sipping whiskey and watching Breaking Bad. Since I've watched my daily allowance of Breaking Bad, it's my journalistic duty to you, the two people who read this stupid blog, to let you know that HOLY SHIT CUT YOUR TEETH IS RELEASING NEW MUSIC THIS YEAR.
The newest cuts from my massive homebros and original party worms Cut Your Teeth will drop on December 30, 2011. Last possible minute? You bet your ugly girlfriend it is! I wish that they had decided on a more apropos release date, since I already wrote the shit out of my 2011 best of the year list, but c'est la vie, to quote that Protest the Hero song that I like.
Pictured: Sam Katz and some bitches, doing Party Worm stuff.So what should we expect from a new Cut Your Teeth release?
First of all, as I established in my first CYT review, the band solves mysteries, and their drummer is an anthropomorphic shark with a shitty sense of humor. So this release will bring a lot of amusement park owners to justice, as well as bringing the Fucking Party Jams. Second, Cut Your Teeth will begin to dabble in ambient soundscapes, forsaking anthemic jams like "Drink Beers" and "Stallion" in favor of something more layered and gay. Hipsterism being so in vogue as it is, these are qualified as the new Fucking Party Jams. Since Patrick Lukens is such a big shot in Asia due to his bizarre interest in Asian pop music, (I assume) he wrote a ballad for his Japanese body pillow/wife, Sachiko, and bassist Hartley Lewis insisted that there was a dubstep song produced by Skrillex on the album (I imagine). Needless to say, it's sure to please anybody who thinks that some stuff is cool while other stuff is not cool.
Me? Well, I've heard some of the new stuff, and I can tell you that it not only rocks and is ambient and gay, but that Cut Your Teeth will be our unequivocal masters of rocking the fuck out until the Mayan calendar destroys us later next year. I'm just happy that CYT are releasing new material before I'm sent to Xibalba, where I will pay for all of the dick jokes and making fun in the Mayans that I've done.
But I'm not sorry.
Visit them here and see how much I've jocked them. Or visit them here to listen to or download their music for FREE, without having to be a dirty criminal interwebbist for it.